Acting on the advice of cat lovers, I bought a Catnip plant at my favourite plant centre.
In my defence I must stress that I was told it makes cats “feel good” if one sprinkles some leaves on their bed. I plead ignorance and mitigating circumstances. I really did not know I was experimenting with such a dangerous, mind altering substance.
The first inmate to investigate the new plant was Toffee, a placid, benign marshmallow of a cat. He pensively nibbled a leaf, sighed blissfully and sat with his face buried in the bush. So far so good!
Next to arrive on the scene of crime was Gentleman Jim, a comparatively sane and dignified (pompous?) feline. After a thorough investigation he swatted Toffee out of the way and proceeded to rub his face all over the bush.
The infamous Mammakat soon got rid of Jim and stood guard over the herb, not allowing animal or human near. So far - not too bad.
Mad Bad Leroy Black (the baddest cat in the whole damn shack) made his usual dramatic entrance, loudly announcing, “You lucky people, I have arrived. Feeeeed me!” He froze as he caught a whiff of the animal cannabis. He stalked over on stiff legs, scattering cats left right and centre, and dived in. He threw four legs around the bag and rolled all over the garden, gleefully kicking the bag to pieces. The hapless plant shed leaves wherever it went and the other four cats (including shy Jet Black) started writhing on their backs in the scattered debris.
Insanity is not a pretty sight. With much courageous help from my man who was armed with a broom, I eventually managed to wrestle the plant away from Mad Bad without losing too many digits. All five continued to wriggle in the war zone while I planted the sad remains of my new plant.
The last I saw was a dismal twig bravely trying to grow while five cats sat around it daring each other to take one teeny step nearer.
I now live in fear: have caught my man eyeing the Catnip thoughtfully. If he splashes out in a red Speedo, starts wriggling his hips, smashing mandolins and playing heavy metal music at his gigs I will dig that blasted plant up and burn it!
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